First of all, I’d like to start by saying how awesome your life looks! I mean, holy heck! You managed to bake a full and nutritious breakfast for your family this morning (I know because I saw the sweet collage you put up on Instagram), did THREE loads of laundry (that you did this morning while listening to your Spanish Language class on your sweet new iPhone 6), and still had time to go for an hour jog in the sunshine (it’s really swell that you’re so #grateful for this sunny weather). I mean, meanwhile, here I sit slurping down cold coffee (left over from yesterday), in my pajama pants (that I haven’t washed in at least a week), and asking my seven year old to hand me the remote for the TV (because I’m #exhausted).
I’m really super glad that you’re going to be taking your kids to get mani/pedis after your morning trip to the park and after dropping off donations at your local food bank. Your children are absolutely adorable and all of the pictures of them handing a bag of food to a homeless person, blissfully smiling on the swing, and showing off their sparkly nails are just too cute for words. How perfectly they are posed! I have to wonder how many times you had to ask them to smile or tell them to stay still to capture that perfect photo to capture your perfect day in the middle of your perfect life.
Now, I know that my exploits aren’t nearly as pretty or polished as yours and I’m sure that somehow my lack of posting on Facebook about our trips to the beach or our boy’s drawing contests are a clear indication as to how inferior our daily existence is compared to yours, and I want to personally thank you for setting the bar high for us and serving as an inspiration for us parents who just can’t get our %$#@ together enough to not only create the most perfect Eggs Benedict but to also have time to take beautiful photos of our kids eating this masterpiece. (I tried once to get a picture of my youngest son eating a carrot. He promptly shoved it in his nose right as I clicked the capture button. Memories.) And while I thank you for the overabundance with which you share your idyllic existence, I have to confess that I’m just not cool enough to effectively integrate Facebook into my parenting style. I’ve tried, but it seems like it takes a lot of time and effort to be a Facebook parent, all the multiple photo takes, the Instagram filters, the clever and inspirational quotes, and all those damned #hashtags. I just can’t keep up. My life and my parenting is too far from perfect. I don’t always wear makeup and I’ve never actually used my yoga pants for anything yoga related. I just can’t keep up. I concede to your greatness and extend my heartfelt and undying admiration to your class and grace. I’m just not picture perfect enough to be a Facebook mom.